the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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