I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
