how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
