i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
