How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
