If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think my fart just growled at me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
