what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
