ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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