I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
