good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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