Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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