I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
this just has baby written all over it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
