so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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