so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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