You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
