I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
