What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
