I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
