Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize