We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
