Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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