I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
