even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
