When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize