its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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