so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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