I wannas sexs uuuuu
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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