You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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