If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
