we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize