He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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