6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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