Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
