how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
