his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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