the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
