I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
