in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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