I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
