it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
