he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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