Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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