You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
