So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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