so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Rumble strips road head = magical
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
