Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
