I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
