we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
