do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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