mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
