Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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