I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
