im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
