i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
