just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
