It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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