Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
