Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize