if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
