you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
