having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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