The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
