I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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