dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize