I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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