wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
