I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
