she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
