Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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