I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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