He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
