My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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