i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
being pregnant is like rehab
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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