I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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