dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What did we do last night that was yellow?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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